I have penis envy! There I said it and I probably set the Women’s Movement back 20 years– but ask me if I care? While living in the Windy City, I dated this dude who would always say to me “You have penis envy” and of course I would object with all the feminism I could muster, only to find myself wishing I had the same “perks” as men in this world. I tell friends all the time, if I am ever reincarnated I want to come back as a man. Why? Because, I feel that men have more options, whether in relationships or in business, they just always seem to get more out the deal than women. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t mean, I don’t love being soft and pink, it doesn’t mean, I don’t get to be the “HBIC” and our clothes—well it’s fabu. So in honor of this week’s feeling of penis envy, here are a few reasons why it feels like a man’s world and women just live in it. Please ladies don’t hate me!

1. They can get a smart, beautiful, exotic, money-making chick without having to sacrifice “something.”
2. They get to go on the golf trips with the boss
3. They make more MONEY!!

4. They get to stick it in and laying on their back isn’t a derogatory term
5. They get to have sex with lots of different women and are only called a “player,” unlike women who are labeled “hoes”
6. They have OPTIONS, OPTIONS and more OPTIONS
7. Men can be assholes and most women stick around—if a woman is a bitch he can break out, meet someone else and get married with a baby–all in 6 months.
8. If a man mooches off a woman he is not called a “gold-digger.”
9. He only has one form of birth control to choose from, while women have like five or six–all with hormonal issues
10. Men don’t have to worry about getting their periods while on vacation, yeast infections, UTI’s, nine months of pregnancy, labor and then wonderful menopause.

11. A man can have threesomes and brag to the whole world, a woman can only tell herself and maybe a bestie.
12. Men can have kids until their deathbed, women have a 35-40 year old window and the latter is really pushing it.
13. Men aren’t torn between being a successful businessman or a good father.
14. Men get applauded for being aggressive in the boardroom, a woman gets labeled a “ball-busting bitch or a dike.”
15. Men get upset, they’re not called emotional–just angry

I can go on and on, but I will stop here. Do you ladies think I have just reason? What do you have penis envy about? Fellas, do you think all women secretly feel this way? How many women wouldn’t trade their XX chromosomes for the world?

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